Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
