Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I checked into jail on foursquare
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
