Heybabeimwearingurpanties
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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