You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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