the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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