I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
