before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
