There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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