do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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