he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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