I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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