just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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