I puked a lego.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found the puke drawer
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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