I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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