What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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