i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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