If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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