Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
