she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The air was thick with penises
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
