remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
bring money and cleavage
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
