I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
