Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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