I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
