I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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