My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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