3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
