as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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