I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
