I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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