Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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