one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
