If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
