I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
