It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
