Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
