i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up under a house in Key West
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