Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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