it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
