Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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