her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
