On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
