just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
