I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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