I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
