Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
