i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
