So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
