Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was CRYING into my vagina
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
