took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
