Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
