I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
